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Dear beautiful young girls,
Someone has not been truthful to you. What I have to say may upset the women you know. Understand that this message is not about them, it is about YOU! Has anyone ever told you that you are beautiful, you have so much potential and your body is a temple?
I daresay that many of you have not heard those words or anything resembling positive affirmations of who you are. So you respond with the most mundane and disingenuous of arguments, “I’m not perfect!”
Hopefully you will decide that you no longer want to acquiesce to such a defeatist mentality that serves as an excuse to keep you from being all you are meant to be. Whatever your name, there is only one of you. Created by God, you are the “perfect” you. Now, if you decide that you don’t want to walk in the glory and the beauty that was created solely for YOU, well then that is something you will have to deal with.
As you decide how you will spend your time on this earth, let me tell you something you might not realize. Man of the women who appear to have it all together have at some point in their lives agonized over their appearance, did stupid things to get the attention of a boy or man, went along with something they didn’t want to do just to belong and made mistakes.
Too often we women, who are up in age, think we are showing our weaknesses if we open up to you and that your opinion of us will change. That change might be good, but in the meantime, you are trying to connect and need to understand that insecurity, pain and uncertainty that you are feeling. Maybe it would help to know that you are not the only one to agonize over the size of your breasts, or lack thereof.
You are not the only one to want to: be popular, be asked to all the parties, have nice clothes or be liked by the boys. Others have never received support or a kind word from their mother, were sexually abused by their father, a family member, or worse, their mother’s boyfriend. And, you are not the only one to be laughed at, bullied, called mean names or lied on.
For ever and a day women have counted the days praying their menstrual cycle would come on , curled up writhing in pain because of cramps or went to have an abortion. You might even be the one whose parent (usually mom) came up to the school or a party to publicly whip your behind (ask Beyonce about this one).
While some of the occurrences are sick and unfortunate, you will find as you get older and older others are in the same boat with you. With this in mind, you have to take better care of yourselves. You have to protect yourself: spiritually, physically, emotionally and psychologically.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are supposed to have fibroid tumors just because other women in your family did. Don’t think that you have to remain silent and take any form of abuse. Know that even if they are not telling you, women know what you are going through. You would think they would be more understanding and nurturing. Unfortunately this is not the case.
Still there are some things that you can do. First I will tell you some things to stay away from:
1. drugs
2. tobacco
3. abusive relationships
4. unhealthy diets
I didn’t want to put it on the list because I want you to put this whole “sex” thing into perspective. Maybe you have not already had your first time.
Most women, if honest, will admit their first, and for some, their first 100 times were nothing to write home about and surely were not what they expected, especially if they were privy to romance novels. For some reason “sex” is not special anymore.
Sisters, please understand. Your stock goes up the fewer who have access to you. You only get one body. Everyone is not worthy of enjoying it. If you have questions about a boy, go to another boy and ask. Girls can not help you to understand boys. It is not happening and sadly this is true about most men too. And when that boy tells you the truth about a guy who you just love, believe him, he knows.
If you are fortunate to meet a young man while you are young and you end up spending your entire lives together, well, I am very happy for you, as long as violence is not a part of your relationship. Don’t believe anyone who tells you that you’re supposed to have arguments or that you deserved a lick. Life is too short and you were not put on this earth for that purpose. On that same note, you have to think long and hard about what you do to that body. Are you tattooing your life history on your body? Do you understand the dangers associated with tongue piercings? Do you have to put all your business on MySpace.com or television talk shows?
Sure it would help if parents were being more responsible and if they did more parenting and restricting of behaviors. But that is not happening therefore many of you will find yourself regretting things that you can’t erase. That is, I guess the one good thing about previous generations. Much of what we did is left to our imagination and increasingly forgetful memories.
You, on the other hand, have made your body a billboard and your life an open book. If there is nothing in life that you value, my little sisters, you have to value who you are. Yes you are perfect.
You are beautiful, intelligent, talented, caring, loving, worthy of being loved. You only get one shot at this thing called “life.” Remember that however you take care of your body and yourself while you are young will determine what you are left to live with until you take your last breath. Find the time and read “The Coldest Winter Ever,” “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” and Susan Taylor’s old essays in “Essence Magazine.”
Listen to tapes by Iyanla VanZant. Go forth and conquer. I’ll be talking to you more in the future. |
