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As I continue talking to young sisters, I welcome hearing from other readers about their experiences. One thing I know for sure is that we are not talking with our young girls and if this column is the catalyst for some groundbreaking conversations, then I say, let’s get this party started. During last week’s episode of the ABC hit “Desperate Housewives,” Susan, played by Teri Hatcher, told her daughter what could happen to her from having sex. She asked, “Do you want to hurt when you pee?”
I immediately reflected on conversations I heard or overheard about sex and wondered when is too young to talk to young girls about boys. Then I recalled the young boy whose name has long since escaped my memory but for some reason, his actions have stayed with me for my entire life.
In kindergarten there was a little boy who constantly bothered me. It sounds really juvenile recalling it, but this little boy would always sit in my seat when I went to the bathroom and according to everybody, he would “fart.” I remember being confused and all my little friends kept saying, “He likes you.”
Me, well I wanted my brother to kick his butt! And that was only the beginning of a lifetime of similar, if not as juvenile displays of affection. But who prepares us for those encounters?
It took a long while for me to realize it, but I now can understand what my brother and so many other male friends have said over the years. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen as much as I should have. If you want to know what boys are thinking, if you want to get an idea about what they are up to, you can’t go ask your girlfriend, or for that matter any female, unless it’s someone like noted psychologist Brenda Wall or the Love Doctor Rev. Sheron Patterson. One problem with women has to be that when we go to a male and ask about a situation with another male, we usually don’t take the advice.
How many times have you heard a male say about their own friend, “He’s a dog, you don’t want to waste your time with him,” “He’s not boyfriend/husband material.”? Most women are not going to take heed and walk away.
For some reason I believe, however, that when I was growing up the conversations were not as candid as they are today. Back in the day I couldn’t hear Steve Harvey on the radio with ESPN’s Steven A. Smith breaking it down for the ladies, telling you how men really think. Even when Tyler Perry’s character “MaDea” is spouting her words of wisdom, you’re hearing a male’s perspective. And Bishop T. D. Jakes of the Potter’s House has discussed the topic. Women, girls listen up. If you want to know how a man thinks, ask a man, several men, just in case some of them have ulterior motives.
Hopefully more and more men will be responsible forces in their family by equipping their girls to go out and deal with other boys/men. Most women who I talk to are not honest about their dealings because they want to forget the “stupid” things they did, all in the name of love and they think their daughters will think negatively about them.
Guys, on the other hand have no problem sharing their exploits. Now will girls/ladies listen or will they have to learn the hard way?
Good question. Sometimes listening is just as hard, but if enough of the same messages are being transmitted, maybe, just maybe the right decision will be made.
I didn’t go home and tell on the “farter.” But, it made me determined to have conversations with my children about boy/girl interactions in hopes that I could help them have a healthier childhood, leading into even healthier teen years.
And my conversations will be open, to a point. I will tell about the little boy who gave me my first kiss, Godrell. And then there was the first little boy, Rahman, who tried to slow dance with me and I was too shy to dance. And then there were my brother’s friends who thought I was cute and my brother would threaten to tell if I even spoke to those guys. I want my girls to know that I was confused and that yes, I liked little boys too. I really liked beating them up, though!
I want my girls to understand that they are not alone. If I can help them with some of the easy things when they are younger, like the “farter,” then there is a chance they will be open to coming to me for advice when they are older. And I won’t let my pride keep me from sharing critical information that might help them in their decision making process.
This is Just One African American Woman’s Opinion. What’s Yours? |
