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As I continue to talk to my young sisters, I find it hard to follow an outline and go step by step.
Instead, as I feel the urge, or something comes to me, I hope to make my message as poignant as possible.
You know, sometimes we get lessons in the strangest places. I’ve long contended that women have a hard time being good friends to other women. For some reason, women have a hard time trusting one another.
Well, anyway, a teachable moment came to me just last weekend while visiting Las Vegas. Now I know the saying “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," but I just have to share this scenario.
As I stepped out of my car and took a ticket from the attendant at Bally’s Hotel, we exchanged pleasantries. Then he said something to me that I really appreciate—-he told me that I had lipstick on my teeth.
Well, if you ask any woman, I bet she can tell you on more than one occasion when either she has left the company of a female, or females and looked into a mirror and saw lipstick on her teeth and wondered why no one told her so she could correct the situation. Then also there have been times when you have seen lipstick on someone’s teeth and you didn’t tell them? Yes, the big question is “Why not?”
But really I use the lipstick scenario because it is fresh on my mind, however I can think of other things, like a slip hanging, a tag/label sticking out, matter protruding from your nose, caked up white deodorant on a blouse or dress, buttons or zippers not properly fastened and exposing more than should be seen, or God forbid— the dreaded bloody spot.
I remember one day seeing a friend who had heavily applied her mascara. Well, she didn’t let it dry before she came out of the ladies room and after batting her eyes several times she had rings around her eyes, which made her look like a raccoon. As she walked around a reception, folks laughed at her (of course behind her back). When she made her way over to me, I immediately told her to go check her makeup because it was smeared. Of course when she reappeared, not only was she grateful and a little embarrassed, she said she was a little “pissed” because all those people saw her looking “crazy” and none of them said a word!
I bring up these scenarios because I want to see my young sisters make some changes. You don’t have to inherit tacky behavior just because you witness it. Learn to help a sista out!
Now some would say there are valid reasons for not sharing this information. Here are a few I have heard: “I don’t know her,” “I wasn’t going to get cussed out,” “It wasn’t my business,” or the most disingenious, “She should know what’s going on with her own body!” Please.
Give me a break.
I guess that is why I appreciate the valet at Bally’s. He could have easily let me walk into the hotel, thinking I was the bomb only to find out later that I looked like a clown. So what do you do in the aforementioned instances?
You know that you would want someone to tell you if you weren’t all together, so extend the same courtesy.
Sure some situations are embarrassing and you do run the risk of approaching some clueless person who takes offense because of your humane gesture.
So let’s talk about how to tactfully address these situations. You can begin with a quiet “excuse me” before whispering something like, "You might want to go to the ladies room because..."
You never want to make a big production, calling attention in a loud or public manner. Most ladies will thank you and some might even give you a hug.
Now, for that embarrassing monster that may protrude from the nose, you could slip the person a tissue, make a gesture around your nose, or tell them, again quietly, what’s going on.
In the case of the embarrassing menstrual cycle, well, I haven’t found a woman yet who does not have her story about dealing with what can become an embarrassing situation. Many young girls, because they have not been educated, are embarrassed when the time comes. They might not have been taught how to adequately prepare and dress for their monthly visit. And then too, accidents happen!
It always helps to have a “survival” kit prepared. The kit should include feminine hygiene products, body cleanser, clean underwear and in some instances, because you know how heavy or light your cycle is, a change of clothing. And please, don’t let anyone tell you that you should wear heavily-worn and old panties when your cycle is on. My father used to say that you could tell how much a woman cares about herself by looking at her underwear (we will talk about that later).
Invest in good, pretty, underwear and make sure they are clean, at least when you start out. Again, accidents happen.
The monthly menstrual cycle can be very embarrassing, uncomfortable and definitely dreaded, unless you find yourself in another situation (And we’ll talk about that later also).
Cleanliness is very important because the smell can be awful if you are not careful. If you are not getting the information at home, visit with your school nurse or someone at church. And remember to always help a sistah out!
This is Just One African American Woman’s Opinion. What’s yours?
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