January 31, 2007
Note: Please be warned that graphic descriptions are included in an attempt to have a candid dialogue about sexual abuse. I apologize if anyone is offended. Recently during a cab ride that lasted entirely too long, the driver talked a whole lot more than I wanted him to. He started out talking about his wonderful life and then he told me of his hatred for his father. I wanted him to reconcile his issues because I can’t imagine not loving your father, especially because I was so close to mine.
Well as we got closer to the airport, the source of his hatred was revealed—his father molested many of his sisters. Molestation is something I take very seriously. Unfortunately, however, if you talk to a group of older females, you will find that if they are truthful, many have been touched inappropriately or worse.
Now I am not saying that this is absolute, but if you talk to author Robin D. Stone, she say that once she wrote her book, “No Secrets No Lies,” focusing on sexual abuse, that women she had known for decades suddenly started revealing information about situations they lived through. The first time I heard about a sexual assault was when I was a young pre-teen, reading Maya Angelou’s “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.”
Looking back, I should have immediately went to my mother and talked about what I had read so that she could have helped me understand. I hope after reading this column, many of you will understand.
First you must know your body parts. Your “private parts” are your breasts —which some call “titties” or when you were younger, they might have been called “pom poms” or “mosquito bites.” Then you have your vagina. Now I know folks will call your vagina everything from “teetee” to “cat.” And while some might not want to consider it, we have to include your anus and your mouth. Believe me, times have changed since I was a little girl. And, men have “private parts.” They have a penis, which is called a “wee wee,” or for some reason, a “dick.” Men also have an anus and a mouth.
Rule number one— Don’t let anyone, I mean anyone play with your private parts and don’t let them put their private parts on, in or near you. Now, you may say that a person can kiss you. Let me tell you, any mother worth anything is going to watch activity around you and hopefully teach you at a very young age to not let men kiss you in the mouth.
And any man who has any sense is not going to try and kiss you in your mouth. He knows it is inappropriate. Rule number two—If anyone touches you on those parts or tries to get you to touch them, try to get away as fast as you can, then tell someone. Call the police. I don’t care who it is.
Unfortunately I know of young ladies who have told of an assault only to be called a liar, or worse. One young lady told me that her mother kicked her out of the house and even when she saw her mother dying years later, she could not forgive her. Watch Bishop T.D. Jakes’ Woman Thou Art Loosed and you will see what happens to a young girl who finds herself in that type of situation. Sadly, there are women who would rather have ANY man than to send the scum to jail. But, if you dig into her past, you might be surprised to find that she was probably molested when she was younger!
I know it’s frightening to think about, but there are people out here to help you. If the person you told won’t act, tell someone else. Call me. I know oftentimes a pervert will threaten to kill someone you love if you tell. Believe me when say that the men and women who would take advantage of a child are heart-less, spineless, sick people who really only have power over their young victims.
Rule number three—Don’t feel ashamed. Like Oprah said of the man who molested her, even if she were walking around the house in front of him necked, she was a child and he should have told her to go and put some clothes on. Because you wear provocative clothing or appear flirtatious does not give anyone the right to molest you. You might need a butt whipping, but you don’t deserve to be sexually assaulted.
And finally, rule number four – Don’t lie! Always tell the truth. Years ago I saw a movie “The Children’s Hour, which was later remade into “These Three.” It was the story of a young girl who lied about sexual activity between two of her teachers. Allegations can ruin a person’s life. Make sure you are telling the truth. Adults have the responsibility of keeping you safe. You can help by treating your body as a temple. Don’t let anyone defile it (I’ll talk to you more about this later). Too many have remained silent, taking their pain (and it is painful to have your very being violated) with them to the grave.
It’s time to put an end to the madness. You deserve to enjoy your youthful years free of the savage assaults that so many have been subjected to. And please understand that even if someone just rubs their hands on you, that is still an assault and they must be held accountable.
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