March 21, 2007
Oh the trouble your mouth can cause—especially if you gossip.
Are you one of those young ladies who everyone says is “messy?” Do you keep stuff going and are always in someone’s business?
There are some really cute sayings to encourage gossipers to find something else to do with their time---like “ab C your way out of my business,” or “here’s two cents, go find yourself some business.”There are also some not so cute things to say!
I can't say enough to young sisters and old ones too about running your mouths. For years I have told aspiring journalists that they must watch what comes out of their mouths because their careers depend on people trusting them and what they say--unless you want to make a living as a gossip columnist!
Hopefully in your life, you will run into someone who talking to them is like talking to yourself. That is, if you are lucky.
Can you be trusted? My friends don’t have to say, “Please don’t tell anyone,” or “This is just between the two of us.” My friends know that I am going to give them the same level of trust that I hope to have with them.
But everyone does not think that way. Some people are not satisfied unless they are talking about someone--getting in someone’s business.
Trust is important in any relationship. You can’t trust someone who talks all the time and is always talking about someone. If they are talking about someone to you, what makes you think that they won't talk about you to someone else?
I have a rule--If I can't say it to that person, then I can't say it about them! Tell the person or shut up is my mantra.
Growing up in Newark, I learned at an early age to button my lips.
It seemed like for some reason whoever missed school had to defend their honor the next day. Soon as they arrived at school, someone would come up to them and ask, "Did you say such and such about me?"
It seemed that every negative thing said about anybody would be attributed to the missing "victim."
So I grew up, hating to miss school and also watching what I said about people. As I got older, I got bold because if someone came and asked me that dreaded question, usually my answer would be "no" because I had learned not to gossip and I was being truthful, but I had a tendency to take things a step further by adding, "But what if I did?"
Usually the person would back down and say something like, "Well I just wanted to know if you did."
Word quickly got around that it was not a good thing to approach me with "mess."
Have you ever heard the saying, "The same dog that brought you a bone will also carry one?" That's right; they will take your business right to the next pair of listening ears.
Your life will be so much easier if you are not a party to or a victim of a perpetrator of gossip.
Find new friends if all your "friends" do is talk about one another.
And this brings me to the phone. Ever thought you had hung up the phone on a third party, only to find that you didn't really hang up and ended up saying some hurtful or hateful things about that third party. Three way will get you good, at least once!
Now I could say that one good butt-kicking might put an end to your gossiping ways, but why go through the drama?
Why become known as someone who has a big mouth? Those great philosophers, Whodini, wrote about the subject in their hit, “Big Mouth,” saying you let your “mouth write a check your butt can’t cash.”
And for the real old schoolers, Joe Jones had a hit in the 1960s with “You Talk Too Much.”
Those lyrics said it all: “You talk about people, That you don't know, You talk about people, Wherever you go!”
And even Run DMC had something to say with their chart topper of the same name.
They said: “You're the instigator, the orator of the town, You're the worst when you converse, just a big mouth clown, You talk when you're awake, I heard you talk when you sleep, Has anyone ever told you, that talk is cheap!”
Don't gossip. Walk away from conversations about other people. Use an excuse about doing homework or running an errand for your mother--anything, just get away.
Think about what good can possibly come of talking about someone. Just imagine if you overheard people talking about you. If they are saying something negative, or hurtful, you are going to feel a lot of pain. Don't cause anyone else that pain. Remember, there is something called karma. What comes around goes around, and every dog has its day and some get two!
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