April 4, 2007
Sometimes young people are correct. Older folks can tend to have amnesia at times, forgetting what it was like to be young—a teen or young adult—all-knowing and re-fusing to listen to anyone, who just might know more or better.
Although it has been many years, I haven’t forgotten that period in my life. I do recall interesting hair styles, outfits and fads. I know that young people have to have a “little” freedom as they go through life.
After all you only get one shot!
Young people need and want guidance, structure and love. And, they need discipline. Parents and adults have to learn how and when to allow freedom.
Looking back, I really have to say that if I had any notion of being adventurous in my younger years I might have gotten a belly piercing.
I think it is important, however, to choose your battles.
A friend, Pat, wanted her navel pierced so bad that she defied her mother’s wishes. Now girls have been known to be defiant, but this friend had the help of her father! He took her to get the piercing and it was “their little secret.”
Pat’s mother said she would not tolerate any of her daughters walking around with body piercings. She was unwavering and there was no room for discussion.
And this is where the bridge comes in, my young sisters. Are you going to build, cross or burn bridges?
For my friend’s sake, I am praying that my friend’s mom never finds out that Pat has her navel pierced because then she will find out that two people she loves dearly conspired to deceive her.
I am actually, many years later, fearful of that day when her mother finds out.
I asked Pat, “Why are you so adamant about a silly belly piercing?”
Sadly, my sisterfriend couldn’t give me a compelling reason. She just wanted to get one.
Then I had a barrage of questions for her: “Are you aware that you are going to cause big problems for your parents? Is a belly piercing worth deceiving your mother? Do you really want to take it this far?”
Pat said she wanted a belly piercing and she would just make sure her mother “never” found out, so it would “never” be an issue.
Repeat with me: “Never say ‘never!’”
Maybe Pat never learned about picking and choosing your battles versus making every issue a fight.
You really must learn to choose your battles. Determine the worth of something that you decide to fight for.
For me, there were times when my parents said “no.” Yes, there were times when I was disobedient, but for some reason I was always thinking about the consequences. I wondered if the punishment would be worth whatever I did.
There were many a bridge that I decided against crossing and still to this day, I ask myself if I am ready to cross or burn a bridge.
When Pat got her piercing, she was crossing a bridge that was already built. Unless she is actually able to continue deceiving her mother, the bridge will eventually go up in flames.
You need to ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”
When you decide to evaluate the “bridge premise” as you go through life, you will find that maybe you won’t make as many mistakes.
When your friends are going to do drugs, you can still keep a good relationship with them without doing drugs. Just don’t cross that bridge with them. Don’t burn it either because who knows what’s on the other side. Just go your merry way, trying to encourage others to cross a different, more positive bridge along with you.
The piercing may not seem like such a big deal and you may say that Pat’s mother needs to evaluate the “bridge premise.”
I encouraged Pat to talk about the situation with her mother to find out why she was meeting with so much resistance and just maybe the two can do some serious bridge building.
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