April 25, 2007
Sure you can have disagreements with your mate. It happens in relationships. I told my girls that I look forward to when they are 35 and fall in love. Even the 9 year old rolled her eyes.
But I want them to know about relationships and that they are to be respected, loved and cherished.
While all the talk is on what people are calling women, i.e. bitches, hos and anything else derogatory, I have to say something about physical abuse.
It is disingenuous to act as though the hip hop generation came up with these words and used them to create a climate of hatred toward women, especially Black women. The debate over the words has escalated, interestingly, as the 30th anniversary of the hit television miniseries Roots was rebroadcast on TV One this month.
Maybe that explains my low tolerance for crap right now.
In the first episode, one of the thieves working the ships carrying captured Africans referred to the women as “nigger bitches.”
What is even more interesting and hypocritical is that since we all know who the “REAL” beneficiaries are of the billions of dollars garnered through the sales and marketing of the offensive music, why aren’t those parent companies being held accountable?
While I would like for my girls to understand that they are not to take any verbal abuse from anybody, at any-time, under any conditions, I must use this time to also stress that physical abuse is not an option.
I have told males I have been involved with, even at a younger age, that my father didn’t believe in hitting women, he never hit me and Joe Smith set a precedent for any man who would ever come into my world.
It’s too bad that far too many of our young sisters have not received this message. Equally disturbing is the fact that too many young boys grew up seeing the abuse, so they think that it is okay, acceptable, a way of life.
There have been reports of girls as young as junior high school getting hit by their “boyfriends.” I’m not talking about the little love taps that girls and boys do when they are young and trying to express their “like” for one another. I’m talking about some serious beat downs because the boy is either jealous, or does not like the way his girl is speaking or acting, among other things.
According to the World Health Organization, interpersonal violence was the 10th leading cause of death for women 15-44 years of age in 1998—that means someone you have a relationship with.
The Center for Health and Gender Equity released a report stating that “abuse may lead to any number of physical ailments including irritable bowel syndrome, gastrointestinal disorders, and various chronic pain syndromes.” That is, if you are lucky and not killed.
Some women will say that their actions will make a man hit them. I understand what they are saying because women can really let lose with a tongue-lashing, BUT, a man has to be a man and walk away. And nothing can be excused or explained away. Hitting a woman is unacceptable and yes, I must say that women should not hit men either. There are cases of women abusing men –some witnessed the behavior with their mothers—but using your fists, hands, feet, or whatever, is inexcusable. Walk away!
Unfortunately, as a college student my roommate was always getting beaten up by her boyfriend. The other two young ladies and I in the on-campus apartment could not understand why she was letting that little scrawny punk hit her. But after a while it appeared she liked it. That man would be lying on her bed minding his business and she would walk in and hit him. Next thing you knew, they were rocking and rolling.
I really hated it, but I was the youngest one of the group, and I was wondering, ‘is this what college life is about?’
I would have loved to move but campus was overcrowded and that is why as a freshman I ended up with two juniors and a senior.
I later learned that the two were notorious for their “fights.” He wouldn’t let a week go by without laying hands on his “girlfriend.”
I told my family members about the abuse and at the end of that first semester, Ms. Punching Bag moved out. I was so relieved because if someone had hit me, I would have had to call my brother, my uncles, some of the boys back in Jersey, or God help the punk who hit me, my father.
Believe it or not, the sparring couple graduated and got married and this bad case of domestic abuse continues, over 30 years later.
I wouldn’t be surprised if their children are in abusive relationships because they saw it all—police called to their home to break up fights, going with mommy to bail daddy out of jail, packing up and sneaking away, only to return to the same environment.
You have to make up in your mind that you will not accept abuse. Say it. Mean it. And do something about it if you witness abuses!
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