June 20, 2007
Today marks my third
birthday without picking up
the phone to receive a call
from my father.
If you were fortunate, like
me, you had a father who was
your hero; the man who was
badder, smarter, more loving
and better looking than any
other man alive.
I still hear his voice—the
gentle way he spoke to me in a
slow, deliberate manner. I still
see his smile—that twinkle in
his eyes— providing a look
that was so enchanting.
His walk was similar to
John Wayne’s and while I
never saw him in a fight, I
could only pity anyone who
had the unmitigated gall to
step to my father.
Joseph Smith constantly
told me he loved me. He also
shared his thoughts on a
number of issues and I still
hold those beliefs.
He said you can tell a lot
about a woman by her
underwear. There’s absolutely
no excuse for wearing dingy,
raggedy, soiled underwear, he
said.
Imagine, if you will, a
woman dressed impeccably.
You admire her style, that is
until her top slides to the side
and you glimpse a twisted,
dingy bra strap.
He also said that he never
hit me and he set a precedent
for any and all other men who
came into my life—“do not
put your hands on Cheryl
Smith.”
Sadly there are young
ladies who grew up watching
their fathers torture their
mothers. What could they
think after seeing the abuses—
watching the fighting
matches— or hearing the loud
outbursts, and then later
hearing the oftentimes louder
and very physical sex that
would follow? Talk about a
confusing scenario for a child!
There are far too many who
didn’t have a good, healthy
relationship with their fathers
so they don’t know what to
expect from a loving relationship.
Fathers have a responsibility
to be their daughters’ first
love.
Sherilyn Smith knows what
I am talking about. When my
father passed, she shared
words of wisdom that helped
me through a tumultuous
period. You see, for some
reason, I thought Joe Smith
would live forever. Nothing
could have prepared me for his
passing.
But her soothing, insightful
words helped me to focus on
the blessings I had for so many
years.
Thankfully I have plenty of
fond memories to cherish
forever!
As you grow and learn, you
are going to run into men who
are going to treat you right.
Interestingly many young
brothers say that females don’t
want that nice brother who
shows his love and treats them
like ladies. Some of my male
students say the females prefer
“thugs.”
Even the U.S. Secretary of
State, Condoleezza Rice, is
reported to be a lover of “bad
boys,” according to author
Marcus Mabry, in his book,
“Twice As Good.”
Now I know everyone likes
a little excitement, but that
excitement should not hurt.
We, as females have to learn
how to see the signs that are
clearly evident.
1. If he doesn’t call or come
to see you, he doesn’t want to
talk to or see you. Don’t
believe any excuse lodged
your way. Believe me when I
tell you, if that man wants to
talk to you, nothing will stand
in the way.
2. If you have to snoop
through his stuff, Star 69 his
phone, read his text messages
or hack into his computer to
read his emails; you should be
considering a career path that
will benefit from your supersleuth
skills instead of
pursuing the relationship
further.
3. Believe your lying
eyes—If you saw him doing
something wrong, believe
what you saw, accept it and
determine your next course of
action. Don’t start doubting
yourself and don’t build a relationship
devoid of trust. That
means you have to be trustworthy
also so don’t engage in
the lying and deceitful acts
that bring out the worse in any
relationship.
4. If he even acts like he
wants to hit you, begin
charting your exit strategy.
More and more men are
killing their girlfriends, wives
and baby mamas. And don’t
you hit him either. Walk away
from a relationship before subjecting
yourself or anyone else
to pain.
5. Big Boom writes, “If
You Want Closure in Your
Relationship, Start With Your
Legs.” Well, what about
holding off opening the legs.
Sure you will be pressured
from time to time. Ironically,
more and more females are
becoming the aggressor!
Don’t be so quick to share
your love, or whatever you
call it. Opening your legs too
soon won’t show him
anything about you except
what makes you moan.
6. Try sitting down and discussing
God, life, the future.
Find out what makes this man
tick because you already know
what gets his attention without
too much trouble.
There’s a whole lot more to
talk about and it’s important to
note that as you get older, you
will continue to have some of
the same issues because boys
will be boys and men will be
men.
As my father said,
whatever the case, you must
always be a lady.
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