October 10, 2007
Awarning to parents
and all responsible
thinking adults: Do
not tell young people that
you can’t wait until they are
18 and grown. For years
they hear about that magic
number—18.
Consequently, when they
reach that age, they lose their
freaking minds!
If one more 18-year-old
tells me that they are grown,
I am going to whip their
grown behind!
Let’s face it, no matter
how much preparation goes
into the project— and my
young sisters especially
need to understand this—
you are NOT adequately
prepared for all life is going
to throw at you just because
you turn 18. This is only the
beginning and you shouldn’t
experience everything in that
first year of “adulthood.”
Recently a young man
told me that he was going to
hang out all weekend long
because he was turning 18.
“I’ll be grown and I am
going to celebrate and have a
serious hangover,” he told
me.
“Oh,” I said, as I rubbed
my chin. “Let me get this
straight. You’re turning 18,
so you’re going to be this
big, grown man and go out
and get drunk, come home
and puke all over the place
and then have a really bad
headache and that’s what
grown men do?”
“That’s right,” he said.
“Just a few more days and I
will be a full grown man!”
I looked at him and
laughed to myself. Out loud
I told him that he could do us
all a favor and don’t drive if
he is going to drink.
Sadly, that young man is
not alone, thinking that once
he turns 18 he has all the
answers and can do anything
he wants.
Remember Alayna, my
niece? Well she turned 18
this year. She told me she
was grown once; as she
made use of the skills she
acquired running track as a
youngster.
There was a time I would
have dared her to run but I let
her go because I really didn’t
need to go to jail that night.
Later after things settled
down and I let her back in
my house where I am the
only grown woman; I let her
know a few things.
First I told her that age
didn’t make her grown. If
she really wants to be grown
she needs to understand what
“being grown” means.
“When you are able to
take care of yourself, buy
your clothes and food; when
you don’t have to ask anyone
else to take care of you; and
when you make responsible
decisions and don’t feel
threatened when someone
tells you what to do, then you
are on your way to being
grown,” I rattled off to her.
She sat quietly because
her “grown butt” hadn’t
completely lost all of her
senses when she turned 18.
So I continued: “As long
as you are in this house, in
fact as long as you live; you
are never too grown that I
won’t tear your behind up for
disrespecting me or any
other adult! Here you are
without a pot to piss in and a
window to throw it out of
and you want to tell someone
you’re grown.”
Then I began sounding
like an old Betty Wright hit
as I said, “You see, I buy
your clothes, I buy your
food, and I even buy your
sanitary items, so you are
only so grown. If you really
want to be grown and on
your own take care of your
own needs!”
And then that softer,
mature side surfaced, as it
should when dealing with
these pseudo-adults, and I let
her know that I will be there
for her but I won’t take her
abuse or disrespect. I needed
her to know if there was any
time that she felt grown
enough to get out on her own
and handle her business, she
would have my support.
I still don’t think she gets
what I was saying and
neither do most of these
pseudo-adults.
Their perception of being
grown is doing what they
want to, when they want to
and how they want to
without answering to
anyone.
That is kind of what adults
do, but real adults don’t have
a problem saying, “Hey, I’m
going out with a few of my
friends and we might not be
back until tomorrow
afternoon.”
The pseudo-adult says,
“Stop hassling me, I don’t
have to tell you where I am
going. I’m grown!”
The pseudo-adult believes
that they can drink what they
want, sleep with who they
want to, smoke what they
want and just do anything.
They must understand that
there’s a whole lot more to
figure into their lives.
Those same pseudoadults
will move into their
own apartment and then they
are really smelling themselves.
But why don’t they want
to relinquish the house key?
Why are they brining their
dirty clothes over to the
house or trying to raid your
refrigerator?
Being adult is no joke.
Don’t be in such a rush to be
“grown.”
Take your time because
the stark reality is that as
soon as your “grown” behind
gets into trouble, you start to
calling and whining for a real
adult to come bail you out.
And don’t get sick, believe
me you will be screaming
louder for your momma than
you did when you came out
of the womb!
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